Most people love autumn with its resplendent weather and fall colours. It’s a relatively short season here in British Columbia. Before we know it, the leaves have all fallen and returned to the earth. The days get shorter and we rarely see sunlight. The year-end season is one of the hardest times for grieving parents. Since the sudden and unexpected transition of my only child when he was just 19, I have dreaded the approach of the holiday season earmarked for family reunions and celebrations. My own birthday falls within this time frame, followed shortly afterwards by my son’s Angel date. This year, as always, I was not sure if I could handle it.
I was writing to a friend in November, wanting to share my anxiety over the upcoming months of December and January, and how difficult it would be. Right in the middle of it, I heard telepathically, “It doesn’t have to be.” It took a few moments, but I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I had my ‘Aha!’ moment. My son Leo is full of Love and Joy. He would want nothing but the best for his parents. He keeps getting through to me with the most crucial message: “Mom, I am still right here with you and Dad!” He continues to impress upon us that he wants us to carry forward LIVING a meaningful life – one that includes fun.
It was only my head telling me that it was going to be unbearable. My heart knows better by now. Leo is fine and we are always connected. I will still be missing him and his amazing physical presence; yet, I don’t have to pile on all of that extra stress for myself. I honour him by living in the present and appreciating what I have here and now. In addition to the inaudible voice’s message, a series of synchronistic events have since taken place, one after another. They have enabled me to make that paradigm shift, giving me peace of mind.
This past 11/11, I went to a shop looking for pendants as gifts for two young girls. Their mother, a neighbour, had recently transitioned. The sales person, a young woman, was making a bracelet with a piece of circular-shaped BC jade. I chose 2 similar pieces and asked her to make them into necklaces for me. While waiting, I walked around and one of the pendants on display caught my eye.
I had never seen jade carved into that shape before. I was told it was the ‘Koru’ from New Zealand. That was a novelty for me.
The sales person showed me a little piece of paper with this explanation, “Koru: a Maori word for loop, representing an unfolding silver fern frond. It symbolizes Rebirth, Renewal, Awakening, and Spirituality.” That piqued my curiosity further.
I left the shop with the gifts, feeling pleased. Only then did I realize I had made the appropriate choice for the girls by selecting the circular-shaped jade for their pendants. Perhaps the choice had been made for me. I had already shared with the eleven and thirteen-year-old sisters that their mom would always be around and she would never stop loving them. The circle is a sign of eternity and I have written about that in my blog post, “The Bracelets.”
There was something about the Koru that kept me thinking about it. There had to be more than the lovely green colour and the unique shape that attracted me. That morning, my husband and I had just attended a solemn ceremony honouring all the fallen soldiers and veterans who had served their countries in the wars. Our own private ceremony to honour our son, and all the sons and daughters gone too soon, was coming up in the afternoon. I had a lot on my mind, so couldn’t contemplate too much about it just then.
The next morning, I was in our hotel room feeling relaxed and allowing my mind to wander. For the first time, the two framed pictures hanging across from me got my full attention. The ferns were staring me in the face.
The Koru spirals showing up in another form! We had stayed at the same hotel a few times over the past year, and of all the rooms we’d stayed in, this was the only one with pictures of ferns on the wall. This was no coincidence, as I have come to know so well.
It was another beautiful sunny autumn day. We took a leisurely stroll along the Inner Harbour as we headed toward the shop so I could pick up my Koru. It was speaking to me!
A few days after I got home, I was able to look further into the meaning of the Koru. Here are a few interpretations:
“Rebirth ~ Purity ~ Peace
Koru is the Maori word for ‘loop’. The spiral shaped koru design graphically represents an unfolding silver fern frond. The circular movement towards an inner coil refers to ‘going back to the beginning’. The unfurling frond itself is symbolic for new life, new beginnings, hope, perfection, rebirth, a new start, awakening, personal growth, purity, nurturing, a new phase (in life), the spirit of rejuvenation, and peace. (More info here.)
The Koru is often associated with nurturing so is frequently used to represent the strength and purity of a loving relationship within a family.
For an artist the circle represents the relationship or oneness between the artist and their craft, bringing together head, hand and heart. (More info here.)
It speaks to me because of the meaning it holds. It is synchronistic that it showed up on 11/11. It reminds me once again that those thought to be gone have not vanished. My son and all the other children who have left this earth plane are now reborn into the Spirit realm. They are enjoying peace, purity, and perfection, continuing their existence and growth in a new life. As for me, and for Leo’s dad, we have embarked on a path of spiritual awakening and transformation. Like the unfurling fern frond, we are living a new phase of life. We are at peace while we continue to honour our loving son. Our love and relationship with each other transcends time and dimensions. All the Signs and Synchronicities that I have been writing about are evidence that love and life are eternal. We have an Infinite Bond!
Our city hosts a free Christmas light show every December, when thousands of colourful lights are displayed in different themes around the lake – all within walking distance from our home. It becomes a winter wonderland after sunset, attracting families to come and enjoy the festive atmosphere. New lights are added every year.
About a week ago, we were enjoying them as we walked around the lake. I was thrilled when I saw the latest display of emerald green fern fronds unfurling, illuminated against the dark sky.
It was the Koru again, manifesting itself as shining lights this time. I love the synchronicity and its significance.
Within three weeks, I’ve had three close encounters with this symbol of rebirth and awakening. Everything in this life is transient. Nature shows us the cycles of birth, decay, and rebirth. The ferns are an example of that. I used to talk about the impermanence of life with Leo, only to realize that he has been my teacher all along. Thank you, my precious son, for this important reminder! I am missing your physical presence. And that amazing smile your friends described as one “you can see across the campus.” We all miss you enormously. Your love and warmth can always be felt. Thank you❣️ We LOVE YOU, LEO❣️ We love your gift of the Koru and every SnS. Have Fun❣️
One more sign and synchronicity I am nudged to share here:
Since I’ve retired, I seldom drive anymore but last week I was driving home from a yoga session, about a five minute trip from home. I turned on the radio, which I rarely do. A song came on and I clearly heard the lyrics, “I’ll be home for Christmas…” I heard those words again and again. It dawned on me that my son was telling me he is and will be here for me. I started laughing and thanked Leo. It is a well-known Christmas song performed by many different artists. The one I heard was sung by fellow Canadian Michael Bublé, a renowned singer who grew up in the Greater Vancouver area. It was quite evident why Leo would choose this particular artist.
Soon afterwards, I was having lunch with my husband at a restaurant. I looked out the window and through the dark screen, I saw a special light phenomenon as shown in the picture here.
It had been raining so much that it was exceptional to see this brilliant sunlight. I knew this was a validation from Leo that he had sent me the song and the message: “Mom and Dad, I’ll be home for Christmas”. ❤️❤️❤️